A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new ordained pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Awww, come on… You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
Laughter the BEST Medicine!!!
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St Peter says,
We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don’t step on the ducks!
So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St Peter chains them together and says,
Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks,
But One day St Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says,
‘I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?’
The guy says, I don’t know about you,
But I stepped on a duck.
If this doesn’t make you laugh – go ahead and close your casket!!!
A preacher concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, ‘Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?’ Proudly handing the minister an envelope, Jack replied, ‘Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.’ ‘Fine job, Jack!’ The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. ‘You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.’
Turning to Paul, ‘ Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?’ Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, ‘I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s $280 I collected.’ The minister responded, ‘That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.’
Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, ‘And Louie, did you manage to sell any Bibles last week?’ Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. ‘What is this?’ the minister exclaimed. ‘Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?’
Louie just nodded. That’s impossible!’ both Jack and Paul said in unison. ‘We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.’ ‘Yes, this does seem unlikely,’ the minister agreed. ‘I think you’d better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.’ Louie shrugged. ‘I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,’ he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. ‘For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!’ ‘A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,’
‘W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks —o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-l-l- like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-y-you?